Unconditional Love?

"Unconditional love" is a phrase that has caught my attention on a regular basis over the past year. When I hear it being used I take note of the particular way it is being discussed. In many of those occasions I feel a bit uneasy. On the surface, the concept of unconditionally loving others is easy to grasp. Even though ‘unconditional love’ isn’t a specific phrase found in scripture it’s easy to see it woven in. Here are a few verses in Romans that top many peoples ‘favorite verses’ lists which blatantly hint at unconditional love.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."—Romans 5:8

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."—Romans 8:38-39


God loves everyone, even the unlovely, and if you follow what Paul says in Romans you should come to the conclusion that everyone is unlovely.

"There is no one righteous, not even one;"—Romans 3:10

　
However, our poor condition did not keep Him from loving us and there is no condition that separates us from His love. And so, in scripture, we see the example of non-preferential love in the pouring out of Jesus on the cross for all people once and for all time.

So what’s my problem?

My problem has to do with the fact that in a majority of the contexts in which I hear this phrase being used it has to do with family, or more particularly with parents. I reckon that this is probably one of the highest compliments any child could give their parent, but I struggle with whether such an honor is an actual reflection of unconditional love.  Are human beings actually capable of unconditional love?

My parents have an overwhelming love for me and my two brothers, but can it be described as an unconditional kind of love? Underlying the love that they have for us is the pretty significant precondition of being their children. They love us the way that they love us because of who we are, their sons. Despite our failures they keep on loving us and I honestly think that there is ‘nothing in all creation’ that could separate us from their love. Ultimately though, I think that this kind of love is only a shadow of the kind of love that ‘the Father has lavished on us’. (1John 3:1) If my parents were ‘unconditional love’ type people my testimony about them would be more like, "My parents loved my friends as much as me. My parents loved the next door neighbor kids as much as me. My parents loved their enemies as much as me." Wouldn’t it?

It seems to me that unconditional love is like a faucet that won’t turn off. It overflows the sink and gets on everything and everybody. It shows no hint of preference. That’s the kind of love I see poured out in Jesus for the world. That’s the kind of love we are called to participate in. The story of the Good Samaritan wouldn’t have the same kind of power if it ended with a father coming across his own son in that dire situation and caring for his needs. We would probably still like the story as it would reaffirm how families care for each other, but it would be far removed from a story displaying unconditional love. If we exchanged the victim’s father in for the good Samaritan we would have a glimpse into the ‘why he did it' aspect of the story. Of course the dad stopped to help. Of course he paid for his son’s recovery. And while we could feel a sense of warmth about the love of a father for his son, the story would still fall short of unconditional love. Instead, we have a Samaritan who has every reason in the book not to take care of this man’s needs. Why would he? The power of cross is that we can’t even fathom the depth of ‘why’ Christ did what he did for us.

So back to my question stated earlier: Are humans actually capable of unconditional love? I think it can easily be shown that we have an overwhelming capacity for preferential love. The disparity between how we love family and how we love everyone else in many ways testifies to our preferential love tendencies. Jesus' command to love our enemies challenges the preferential quality of our love to its core. The question posed by the expert in the law prior to Jesus sharing the story of the Good Samaritan is an attempt to narrow the list of ‘who is my neighbor’, almost like asking, "How far down the block to I have to go? Where does my list of neighbors end?" That’s the nature of preferential love. It narrows the list of people who will be the recipients of love. Rather than slim down the expert in the law’s list, Jesus’ response tears it up altogether. If we are to truly love unconditionally, we need to widen our vision beyond those we prefer to love. He did it for us, all of us, and calls us to do the same.  If we are to have any hope of loving as Christ loved then it's time to tear up that list.