In my last post I shared where Jesus’
story, in particular his death and resurrection, intersected with my
story. The fact that Jesus himself
experienced suffering and death connected with me as a 7th grader
dealing with the death of a friend.
Things changed for me on that Good Friday and nothing will ever be the
same again. That was 22 years ago and if
I could sum up those years in a single word it would be this: Disturbed.
Not quite what you were
expecting? Maybe you were expecting
something on the brighter side like freedom, hope or joy. Who wants to be disturbed? Nobody desires to
be disturbed but if I were to be completely honest there has been nothing more
helpful to my life than being disturbed.
In fact, it was one of the first things I experienced as a young
follower of Christ.
Prior to my 7th grade year
I had been asked by a friend of my mom if I wanted to be involved in this thing
called ‘Bible Quizzing’. She was the
coach and my older brother had been involved the year before (he is a year
ahead of me in school) but I was not interested. I had fallen in love with athletics and so my
time was spent with basketball and track during the school year. Prior to my 8th grade year, but
after my Good Friday experience, I was asked again if I wanted to be a part of
Bible Quizzing. I again said, “No.”
because I had my own plans, my own agenda.
And that’s when it happened. I was
disturbed. I let Jesus break into my
life once and now he was up to it again.
How could I desire to know Christ but simultaneously have no desire to
be a part of something that would get me reading scripture and help me get to
know Christ better? My plans needed to
change in order to line up with what Christ desired for me and our
relationship.
Years later I was disturbed while
making college plans, but not all disturbances have to do with making big
decisions or even making decisions at all.
There are beliefs that I would easily hold if it were not for Christ disturbing
me. For every verse that a person wants
to put on a pedestal as the foundation for a particular belief there are 3
other verses that have me questioning what they’ve built. As a middle child I would much rather agree
with the majority and avoid controversy when it comes to a variety of topics
but I constantly find myself disturbed.
I find myself wondering why I am disturbed with particular views and
similarly wonder why they aren’t disturbed with it at all. I am continually praying that I might be shaped
more and more into Christlikeness and there is plenty that needs to be shaped. There is much that HAS already been shaped. And all along the way Jesus disturbs me.
In the Old Testament we read about
people on the move. Abraham and his
family went from place to place in tents.
Moses led people around in a desert. God’s people were rarely stationary. Who they were and what they knew about God
was continually shaped by their experiences as they went along. God never stopped disturbing them where they
were. That’s why living in a tent makes
sense. If you build your home out of
stone on a firm foundation you may be tempted to stay there. God may have moved on but you’re stuck where
you are. You’re not free to move.
I am not the same person as I was 22
years ago and I pray that I will not be the same person 22 years from now. I have had to move, spiritually speaking, in
a variety of ways already and I don’t suspect that will change anytime
soon. Are you open to being disturbed by
Jesus? A good way to tell is whether you
are living in a tent or not. I hope that
you don’t have everything nailed down and secured because if there’s one thing
I know about Jesus it’s that you can’t keep him nailed down. He is free to move and I hope that you, your
life, your beliefs, are free to move with him.
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