I don’t remember ever having a formal discussion with my wife before or after getting married about who drives when we travel together but looking back over our 9 years of married life it’s pretty clear that I do the driving. Whether short trips or long I do virtually all of the driving and there are 2 major lessons that I have learned over these years.
Lesson 1: She notices a ton more than me when I’m driving.
Maybe it’s because I’ve got a destination and objective in mind or I’m talking a ton while focusing on the road ahead but it’s pretty clear that she is able to notice the bigger picture much better than me. There are countless times when there is no rush that I happen to notice something new along the way. I’ll see a new store open, an old store closed, and think that this is a new occurrence only to be informed by my wife that it’s been that way for weeks or months. As a passenger she has the freedom to actually observe her surroundings in a way that I cannot. While I am busy avoiding the crazy drivers filling the roadway she is able to enjoy the ride so long as I’m not being a crazy driver myself.
Lesson 2: I am a horrible passenger!
I can’t overstate this fact enough and I know my wife is nodding as she reads this. Perhaps this is why she lets me drive virtually all the time. The only thing worse than my driving is having me as a passenger. One of us has been pulled over 4 times since we got married and it’s not her. Granted, I get out of any and all tickets because I am the smoothest man alive but Lori has yet to be pulled over once since we exchanged vows. That says plenty about her driving and the few times she drives she deserves some peace and quiet when it comes to my driving comments. And as far as passengers go Lori is wonderful! She reserves her comments until after her breath returns and I have managed to avoid another accident. It was the other driver’s fault of course. I’m not sure how she does it but I’m guessing it has a little to do with radical trust.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.---Romans 12:2
You’re probably wondering what a verse like this would have to do with the driving lessons above but I think there is plenty to be learned here. Here are two lessons we see in this passage.
Lesson 1: Drivers Conform.
The more we are behind the wheel the more we start driving like everyone else. This is something we actively do. There is nobody forcing us to live in ways that conform to the patterns of this world but in an effort to blend in we naturally steer that way. Chances are that we don’t even notice how much we blend in. We can get so focused on where we’re going and the traffic in our immediate area that we miss most of what’s going on. Conforming happens when we’re in control and along with a false sense of power we struggle to trust others with the wheel. I wonder if my comments about life addressed to God resemble my comments about driving to my wife.
Lesson 2: Passengers are Transformed.
In contrast to us changing to blend in with the world this is more about letting God mold and shape us. When we try to do the forming we end up conforming. When we slide over to the passenger seat we are in a position to be transformed. This passenger view provides quite a few perks provided we learn to trust the driver. If you struggle with trust you just may be too scared or nervous to notice the possibilities.
The first perk is rest. The main issue that requires me to be a passenger is exhaustion. If I worked the night prior and Lori is in a hurry to hit the road I try to get some shuteye during the first part of the trip. I do manage to fall asleep because falling asleep is my spiritual gift but I struggle to stay asleep. Every little tap of the brake or turn of the wheel is enough for me to sit straight up and look around wide-eyed fully expecting to see our car sliding under a semi. Trust helps us get rest when we need it because we’re not worrying about who is in control. Another perk is the ability to actually enjoy the ride. There’s nothing worse as a driver than having to miss something because you have to keep your attention on the road. You can only steal a quick glance while passengers are able to give something their full attention. I have lost every game of ‘yellow car’ for the sole reason that my wife has free reign to look down every alley. That is why I purchased a little yellow matchbox car as her trophy and the game is forbidden when we travel.
So who’s in control of your vehicle as you travel down the road of life? Maybe it’s time you handed over control. Maybe you’ve handed over control but you’re still learning to trust. Maybe you’ve learned to trust and are now able to not only enjoy where you are currently in life but are also able to discern his ‘good, pleasing and perfect will’. The issue of control is an ongoing one as there is always the temptation to return to the driver’s seat. But if the destination is transformation there is only one seat where you can fully enjoy the ride.
Of all the experiences we have in this world I doubt there are many that can compare to that ‘just out of the shower’ feeling. I’m not sure what it is about being clean that is invigorating (maybe it’s the chemicals in bodywash) but I like it. For many people a bath is how you start your day and so it symbolizes a fresh new beginning and it’s only downhill from there. Or maybe you’ve just finished some sort of physical labor type activity and getting a bath symbolizes completion and now you are free for the more fun things in life. In either situation a bath is a highlight but there are definitely times when a bath is SCARY!
Unless you are a caregiver for someone in need chances are that you have not had the regular experience of giving someone a bath or been the recipient of a bath by someone. Perhaps due to some sort of an injury to yourself or a loved one you have had a few of these experiences in your lifetime but I reckon there are quite a few who have never had any experience like this. It is truly one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had.
A couple of years ago I was assisting at a special needs camp and the camper I was assigned to had physical limitations and required assistance in getting ready for his day. Being that I did not know Tom and I had never helped someone bathe before it was an interesting first day. Frustrating might be a better description. Each morning afterward I was up by 4:30am so that I could be up and ready and have a couple hours to myself before I would need to start Tom and I’s routine. Many lessons were learned when it came to vulnerability, trust, patience and compassion. I can only imagine what it was like to be in Tom’s place and have to be so vulnerable to someone he didn’t even know at first. I can only imagine the amount of trust he had to place in my very literal hands as we worked and maneuvered together to do what needed to be done. No imagining on my part was necessary when it came to learning about patience. My wife can attest to my impatience and that was challenged to the extreme that week. I had to relinquish all control and go at the pace of another. If there was one thing that I needed and didn’t have on that first day it was the kind of compassion necessary to truly care for the needs of someone like Tom. If there was one thing learned in those early mornings alone it was the depth of the compassion of Christ. I needed to tap into that deep well in order to have what I did not have naturally.
I recently listened to Brennan Manning speak of Christ as the ‘Son of Compassion’. He warned that we are misguided if we try to compare our human, far from impartial, shallow, self-serving kind of compassion to the compassion of Christ. The compassion that Christ has for those who are suffering is a compassion that resonates in the womb of the eternal. This is so much more than the kind of ‘My heart goes out to….’ that we so regularly hear during times of tragedy. The heart of Christ doesn’t simply ‘go out’ to people in such times but is instead twisted and wrenched, torn and broken, opened and poured out. It is this ‘Son of Compassion’ that we see washing the feet of his disciples.
John 13:4-10
So he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"
Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
Jesus answered, "Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you."
I could spend hours writing about the significance of who is doing the washing but I’m going to fast forward to those of us getting a bath and the two words I used in describing Tom’s side of our experience: Trust and Vulnerability. Trust is a huge deal because without trust you will never be vulnerable. There will always be barriers, there will always be distance and there will never be a true intimate relationship if there is not trust. It is by trusting Jesus that we open our lives up to the reality that we need a bath. Then it’s bath time and just like in this story there are those of us who need our whole body washed and there are those of us who just need our feet washed. Everyone needs their whole body washed at some point (baptism) but in a spiritual sense this is not something people need to have done over and over and over. I do, however, think we regularly need what Peter needed as Jesus offered to wash his feet. Life has its way of collecting dirt as we go along and it’s easy for people to reject Jesus’ invitation to wash the more objectionable parts of their lives. "That’s ok Jesus. You’ve done enough. I’ll wash that area myself." We don’t like to admit it but when it comes to this kind of spiritual bath we need help. The truth is that He can reach areas we can’t no matter how hard we try. Trust Him. Be vulnerable. Be clean.
